Divorce Consulting

Is a divorce pending? Or have you already been served divorce papers? Would you like to prevent a divorce and save your marriage?

At this time, the spouse who wants to preserve the marriage essentially has no voice in the process. In addition, the court process no longer makes judgments about who has breached the contract or inquires into the viability of the marriage, other than asking the Petitioning spouse whether he/she believes the marriage is "irretrievably boken". Divorce is now a level playing field, which means that no matter what you did - either keeping your vows or breaking them - is a non-issue. The judge is not interested about the "facts". Nor - in most cases - will it affect the outcome of who gets "custody" of the children or how the property is divided. When no-fault laws were enacted, the issue of "fault" became a moot point, except in a few states where they claim to have "fault-based" grounds for divorce, but in reality, lawyers in those jurisdictions have clever ways to get around them. In some jurisdictions, "fault" may have a slight bearing on the settlement outcome.

In reality, divorce has been established as a right of the petitioning spouse, because no-fault divorces are never denied.

Most people believed that no-fault divorce was introduced as an enlightened reofrm that would allow marriages to be dissolved with more dignity and less blame. And most people also believe that no-fault divorce is usually obtained through a mutual process - that both spouses have negotiated an end to the marriage. But the truth is that about 80% of divorces are unilateral - that only one of the spouses is pursuing a divorce. The spouse wanting to save the marriage is shut out of the process. And if any wrongdoing took place, the courts take no position - and don't want to know about it. The spouse who is being divorced has no real forum for presenting his/her views. The current law mandates judges to acquiesce to the divorce-petitioner and grant the divorce. Judges have essentially had their hands tied by the law--but on the same note, they appear to operate willingly as they trample rights and carry out an unconstitutional process, which can also violate religious agreements and tear families apart when they could be saved.

The role of the judge is merely "ministerial" - the judge is there to just administer a predetermined outcome - every divorce is granted - and the judge's main role is then to oversee (or impose) the " settlements" concerning property, child custody, etc.

You may argue in court that divorce will harm your children - as research has increasingly revealed - and that your problems can be resolved. But a judge will not - and essentially cannot - waver from the role of "divorce administrator".

If you have hired a lawyer, his/her likely role is to just get the best "settlement" for you. A lawyer's previous role - before no-fault - was to defend you against the accusations made in the divorce petition, but now there are no accusations, and hence, no defense is even possible.

Divorce is popularly viewed as the "solution" - at least by one spouse in the marriage. Divorce has become so common in our society that it is nearly viewed as a "normative" event - like a "natural" part of the life cycle. But many people are beginning to see through the deception, becoming more aware of the harm that divorce causes to both individuals and society. All we need to do is read the daily news stories about violent crimes and see the thread running through most of these stories of divorce or family-alienation.

If you want to learn more about how no-fault divorce was designed, read Stolen Vows.

The information provided here would like to offer more encouragement about stopping the legal process, but the truth is, the deck is stacked against you - and the sooner you recognize this, the better. If you were married in a church, you need to go back there to obtain moral support. Your church should be an important resource if you received their blessing, but too often, church leaders are too busy to help or do not know what to do. Most important, if a couple was married in a religious ceremony, their marriage should be considered "hands-off" by the civil courts - at least until church leadership has first been able to consult with the one who is initiating the action.

As the "respondent" in a divorce case, you will need to read all you can about the process and if you object to what is happening, you need to make that clear on the "record".

Contact the author for ideas if you're facing an unwanted divorce.